Suprise 1

Last year New Year Celebration is very memorable and as sweet as mellow. This year I am not happy if you got read my previous post. Frankly speaking I am very unhappy with this but later I came out with a genius idea which is giving him a sup rise with notice him and I thought this will be nice.

My idea are just brilliant and I really can't stop myself to miss him and I need him to be around to celebrate New Year with me. So, I just rang my friends and they all had agreed to company me to Genting but with the condition I have to drive..who care anyway.

I am feeling very excited and been thinking how to get rid of his radar (hell no is not the radar from Britney) it's the maxis friend finder. You all must be wondering and give me a "Wow" and "Buoy", yes I know what you all been thinking..."are you a prisoner or where is human right is it? Anyway this is just another act from him to show he care about me..LoL.

Since I am too excited to giving my honey a surprise, so there are many things to plan and every have to run smoothly. Dear folks, please pray for me and I just love celebration and festival as well. I am really craving for his hugs and kisses as well, he is just too charming for me and I really Love You Babe.

Just Another Thought

There are two days more before proceed to year 2009 and left out 31 days left before my 3 years in relationship and to recall back everything happen just is a flash and this year I'm still 24 years old...gosh I'm getting old. As well my parent keep asking me to bring home my beloved one because most of them know I in a relationship, which gave my head a big bang. Furthermore, if they really know what am I dealing with their sweet dream must be turn to durst and not fruitful or still they will puke blood.

I really don't know whether the things I am dealing with is good or not and after all there is no pro and cons in love and relationship. For sure both of us is trying to edifice our relationship like a stronghold but I really have no ideal when the stronghold gone to last. Moreover, the path that I had chosen always ended up with a sad concerto. But I am happy for what I am now albeit I am not born to be a gay..yes you are right I am just a newbies in this circle and previously also one of the bunch of nerd.

Thank you so much for the BITCH (Ex-girlfriend) for leaving this deep scar until I decided to change and of course I meet my honey (Current-BF) to heal my wound and he is the only one who treat me sincere enough and I love him so much. Most of you guys must be very curious to decide whether I am a gay or bisexual and my answer is gay because my manhood really cannot attach with the bitch out there nowadays and I even had doing some experimental to study this issues...please don't ask me how but I know I am a gay.

I still remember what my honey told me quite sometimes ago, that I am BORN to be a Gay..LoL. But I really can't deny perhaps this is the fact I am very hard to click with girls in relationship. To compare my life from the past and present it is a big boom because the present path I had chosen is very difficult to move along. The best parts is when your parent is a very conservative person then you must be the hero on the Die Hard movie and I am not kidding you because it's definitely not easy.

But at least for now I am very happy with my babe around me and his concern, caring, advise and as well as his kisses and body smell definitely amuse and I do enjoy very much. So just forget about the sad stories and continue to my happy life and recently I am trying very hard to change myself but the process is really not easy because I am abuse myself too much in the past with bad eating habit and hardcore of drinking beer and liquor. It's indeed a bad experience in the past, living toward gay life definitely seeking for quality and good life compare to the bad. But to enjoy the good life and quality life definitely require us too sacrifice such as money, self control, learn to be leng chai and much more to learn. Anyway I do believe my hard work are going to repay soon and more hard work need to be follow up soon. I vow I will totally change in this one year time of course and hope the god should bless me on this even though I am atheist.

Emptiness

For me emptiness means lacking purpose or substance and to cut the sentence short I define it as meaningless. Actually it's quite hideous because I write on this blog for my own reading, you can call me silly or crazy but my intention is to use this activities as my journal or a tool of self expression. I really have not idea why I am felt emptiness and loneliness all the times. Worse stilt I had a good honey and stay with family as well and this scene shouldn't occur but my heart still feel empty.

Perhaps, I am psycho and this feeling always make me feel wanted to suicide and think of other stupid things. I hate to go home early and I even can't sleep well almost everyday and paracetamol is the only option to keep me a sleep. When you said that I am a geek and always prison myself in the room or home, then you are totally wrong because I love to hang out and it's even better I can stay out of my home for forever.

This sense of emptiness maybe is my psychology problem due to the path I had chosen (love guys), disastrous in my career and not to mention my family confrontation about my sexual orientation. That's why I felt so hard for myself and there is also one book from Paulo Coelho "Veronika Decides to Die" is expressing partially how I feel nowadays. But I will be strong and wouldn't dare to do the nuisance stuff yet because there is too many doubt in my life that I am yet to explore.

Chaotic New Year

Recently I been very damn moody due to babe are not accompany me during New Year celebration. Pity me have to gone through this new year all alone. When you ask me whether I am sad or not, it will be the worse hoax if I am telling you I am okay with it. You have no idea how sad I am when I think about it my tear is almost burst.

Lucky, I have a good didi (gay brother) always console me and advised me to take it easy because that is my babe family and he is not flirt around with other friends or mates to dump me aside. In fact, I really understand the situation but my heart really in fraction emotion because I really dunno what to do during that occasion. I hate being alone and I hate my home as well.

Frankly speaking I don't have much friend and not to mention previously a straight nerd like me is impossible wanted to get gay friends. Worst stilt even now I am queer guy but I still don't have any of them except my didi because I am too fugly moreover gay life is cruel. Lucky me are attach with my babe who is quite charming and handsome but really dunno why he love me.. many doubt is it. He can easily get someone who is hot and handsome guys....sigh.

If you really ask me I really can't answer that question but being a fugly gay like me is feeling very insecure because I might get dump anywhere and anytime. For time being, what I can do is try to change my look and kick out lard and get slimmer is my only option. But recently I loss 2 inch, where previously is 38 inches.. I know I am fat and deserve to be tease but folks please wish me luck because I will try my best to fit in this circle and I know gay life is realistic and cruel. May due to this reason recently I very determine to put on weight.

Sorry for being out of the topic, I am still very sad and always throw my tantrum toward my babe because he promise me first rather his family. But there is nothing I can do beside accept the fact and anger is begin to swap off and my heart of course are in deep sorrow and sad. Now what I can do is pretend that I am okay and feeling is getting better even though we had a good date on the New Year last time. I really miss him, carving for his kisses and cuddle as well... Baby I really miss you and love you.

Fucking Straight Guys

Sorry, if I had offended some of you straight guys but for this topic, I am just referring to my fucking straight guy friend. Today I really In a fucking good mood because after the karaoke and gym session at The Curve, we decided to lift a called to my friend to have a steamboat dinner at Kepong and they had agreed and what I need to do is fetching them.

After, the steamboat dinner I really in a good mood and my stomach are almost bloat like a balloon and finally I puke and feeling better and we decided to clubbing. Since today, the prince feast is held at oblique so we decided to hang out there for my straight friend to have a eyes breaking session of how gays are clubbing and partying, where they had agree.

The horror are starting to arose, when my straight friend are started to complaining there is no crowd and chick at oblique. Later my straight friend are started to nag and complaining there pussy and the music is not fully R&B because most of the songs had been remix and I totally disagree with him because the songs is nice and the beat is damn good but the crowd is wasn't there only. But frankly speaking, where the heck are you gone to get a chick in a gay club....really what the fuck and pissed me off to the limit.

But there is one thing for sure the crowd is very low at oblique and I swear I will not entertain oblique and La queen which both of the clubs is suck and really a loser. After my straight friend are urging us to go to other club, so we are leaving and decided to hang out at Poppy garden for the night. We need to spend extra penny for the next session because there are only tables for the customer to open bottles of liquor.

But I swear to the god this is also another lousy club because the music is really outdated and old, my friend keep forcing me to peek at the boobs and pussy...really a disastrous. The dance floor is fucking small and there space are really not convenient to dance where most of the people are just wanted to drink liquor and flirting. We even had a fight with my fucking straight friend which had drunk and almost started to fight. Anyway I will never invite my straight friend to clubbing again because we are definitely from other world.

Christmas Greeting!

Me Anthony would like to take this oppurtunity to greet you guys Merry Christmas and May god bless you. For those who still feeling blue and emotion please stand up because it's christmas and everyone should be happy. To recall back this year christmas is very fruitful because I am accompany by my lovely honey...yummy.

The only thing that I am regret is there is quote somethings we didn't..xxx..LoL. But never mind, I love my babe not because of sex but in a description of LOVE. It been quite sometimes I never been this happy already since the varsity my life with the only guy I love, which is my current babe. The reason this heat are not arose since my varsity life is because both of us busy in our stuff and not forgetting the stress as well.

Moreover I will like to thank to my babe to bring me in this circle, I know I am hot temper but I do caring and love you. For the sake of our relationship I will change myself to become better and your ideal darling... but dunno when the days will arose...LoL. For you guys information another 35 days left is my third aniversary where we been together...Hurray.... need to squeeze my head to make this celebration happenning.

Anyway once again I would like to wish me and my babe have a Merry Christmas and not to forget the folks and humanity in the world as well. I love christmas and I love you Santa if you are a hot guy... I will reward you accordingly...LoL.

Terrorist

Please don't get me wrong because I not gone to talk about the terror in Gaza, Pakistan and Sri Lanka. Terrorist mean one that engages in acts or an act of terrorism, actually what I wanted to highlight here is my babe are leaving me alone in this New Year Celebration. Whether I like it or not, he insist to follow his family and leave me alone, albeit he already promise to accompany me during the days.

I'm very sad and disappointed with him, the act that he treated me is just similar to the terrorist act, which giving me an inspiration to blog about today subject. In my heart, heart he is a stupid lover but when you think deeper he is a very good son indeed because during that occasion he will spend his time in Genting with his family. But, franky speaking he is a very good son, which is also my worse nightmare I have to encounter.

You guys must be wondering since he is a good person, why I bother too much? To cut the story short the answer is I think he love his family more than me, which make me feel jealous and sad. For me his family a just a terrorist as well because they are the one who always make my babe leave me alone and even my birthday I also have to bear this kind of emptiness and disappointment feeling.

Hopefully, this New year around I managed to keep myself busy, which I thought will be happier. Perhaps, busy can gives you a way or a loop holes to ignore the parts of my life that falling appart. I really wanted him by my side for the day but if I do I really asking for trouble. Anyway I am still missing you and love you so much and Happy New Year Babe.