I been very tiring with my personal life to stay away my life in the dark side of me. My life started to be sloping upward and downward lately. Even most of my colleague, parents, siblings and friends can smell what is cooking but we still stand tall by just pretending there is nothing happen even those most of the people knew we are couple... sigh. I presume our act is just like ostrich just staying away from problems by hiding the head in the ground and thought nobody know what had happen.
Choosing this path is indeed a very difficult move had been taken by me and I really love my babe so much even though I know there is no happy ending story for us. Our relationship is almost 3 years and I tell you guys I had gone through this few years like passed decade. Being what we are not meant to be really make a lot of people feel hideous and awkward and sometimes I felt ashamed to myself.
Sometimes I been wondering is it correct we stay together and also been wondering to quit this games before too late... but I am stepping this path so deep until there is no way back for me... just like a person in the middle of Oceania and there is no turning back. I don't know choosing my babe can be so fruitful and can't explain chemistry within us had developed and the most important things is I never felt this kind of happiness before.
My main concern is my dear is some sort of bitchy type and I scare babe will flown away just like a birds. I really needed to change myself in term of personality and outlook to catch with babe because the gaps between us is very far beyond my imagination. I really felt unsecured and the gaps seem to be getting further and further. Sorry babe for being doubt with you maybe you are just too good for me and I not deserve to own you.
The root course of this problem is due to the narrow minded from the society make us felt that we are just creatures. The puns from them is really hurt me and this act himself already can make me felt wanted to cry for few days. Perhaps carry two type of identity is making me tired and sick already. Being a person who I not meant to be always in terror, afraid of siblings, parents, relatives and friends find out the true and being boycott and tease by the love one of this sickening life.
I just wanted to be happy with my love one maybe not forever but it better last as long as the times could. I willing to scarified what ever I could to make this relationship last and extend longer as our ages is getting late. Trust me our life in Malaysia is more to pathetic rather than happiness but most of us still struggle to get a better life even though it is disobey the religion codes and philosophy... but will never give up and still maintain this kind of life style. God I knew I had sinned but please forgive of my naive and desire and your blessing is highly appreciated.
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