Sometimes I'm nervous, full of hatred, lonely and also wanted to tear myself apart. Loads of argument have been going between us, and my boyfriend is really pissed off already. Now I feel so ashamed and pity on him because always cause him a lot of trouble. I know he understand my situation and use to tolerate with me but I guess he is started sickening with my shit already. I guess this isn't a question, but it's the matter of how do I change and stop my depression.
Recently I started to realize I am complete stranger to myself, even though I am living quite well with each other. I am not evil and never try to harm someone if not being force to do so. I am very self conscious and very active but recently not so conversationalist due to very few friends I had. Why I had few friends because sometimes I had a kind of stereotype by thinking "they don't know me?" or "they all have hidden agenda to friend with me" or "they just hate me".
Imagine how stupid of me to have that kind of thought, but believe me I'm keeping others at a distance out of fear, and they eventually respond to this and leave me alone. And this then confirms my point of view, that no one could possibly like me. But to be frankly speaking I am a bunch of person who are genuine and honesty enough to give you harsh comments because I am trying to be sincere and trust-worthy.
The trouble is that my babe finally had melt my hearts and we even started to date me and had relationship. Anyway really appreciate my babe supports and advise albeit I'm as stubborn as asses but he is still trying to fulfill my nonsense enquiries and request. My destructive beliefs are about to damage me, or even kill me. Anyway I will fight back and won't let this negative thought to conquer my mindset and babe you are my only hope and strength from now.
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