Suprise 1

Last year New Year Celebration is very memorable and as sweet as mellow. This year I am not happy if you got read my previous post. Frankly speaking I am very unhappy with this but later I came out with a genius idea which is giving him a sup rise with notice him and I thought this will be nice.

My idea are just brilliant and I really can't stop myself to miss him and I need him to be around to celebrate New Year with me. So, I just rang my friends and they all had agreed to company me to Genting but with the condition I have to drive..who care anyway.

I am feeling very excited and been thinking how to get rid of his radar (hell no is not the radar from Britney) it's the maxis friend finder. You all must be wondering and give me a "Wow" and "Buoy", yes I know what you all been thinking..."are you a prisoner or where is human right is it? Anyway this is just another act from him to show he care about me..LoL.

Since I am too excited to giving my honey a surprise, so there are many things to plan and every have to run smoothly. Dear folks, please pray for me and I just love celebration and festival as well. I am really craving for his hugs and kisses as well, he is just too charming for me and I really Love You Babe.

Just Another Thought

There are two days more before proceed to year 2009 and left out 31 days left before my 3 years in relationship and to recall back everything happen just is a flash and this year I'm still 24 years old...gosh I'm getting old. As well my parent keep asking me to bring home my beloved one because most of them know I in a relationship, which gave my head a big bang. Furthermore, if they really know what am I dealing with their sweet dream must be turn to durst and not fruitful or still they will puke blood.

I really don't know whether the things I am dealing with is good or not and after all there is no pro and cons in love and relationship. For sure both of us is trying to edifice our relationship like a stronghold but I really have no ideal when the stronghold gone to last. Moreover, the path that I had chosen always ended up with a sad concerto. But I am happy for what I am now albeit I am not born to be a gay..yes you are right I am just a newbies in this circle and previously also one of the bunch of nerd.

Thank you so much for the BITCH (Ex-girlfriend) for leaving this deep scar until I decided to change and of course I meet my honey (Current-BF) to heal my wound and he is the only one who treat me sincere enough and I love him so much. Most of you guys must be very curious to decide whether I am a gay or bisexual and my answer is gay because my manhood really cannot attach with the bitch out there nowadays and I even had doing some experimental to study this issues...please don't ask me how but I know I am a gay.

I still remember what my honey told me quite sometimes ago, that I am BORN to be a Gay..LoL. But I really can't deny perhaps this is the fact I am very hard to click with girls in relationship. To compare my life from the past and present it is a big boom because the present path I had chosen is very difficult to move along. The best parts is when your parent is a very conservative person then you must be the hero on the Die Hard movie and I am not kidding you because it's definitely not easy.

But at least for now I am very happy with my babe around me and his concern, caring, advise and as well as his kisses and body smell definitely amuse and I do enjoy very much. So just forget about the sad stories and continue to my happy life and recently I am trying very hard to change myself but the process is really not easy because I am abuse myself too much in the past with bad eating habit and hardcore of drinking beer and liquor. It's indeed a bad experience in the past, living toward gay life definitely seeking for quality and good life compare to the bad. But to enjoy the good life and quality life definitely require us too sacrifice such as money, self control, learn to be leng chai and much more to learn. Anyway I do believe my hard work are going to repay soon and more hard work need to be follow up soon. I vow I will totally change in this one year time of course and hope the god should bless me on this even though I am atheist.

Emptiness

For me emptiness means lacking purpose or substance and to cut the sentence short I define it as meaningless. Actually it's quite hideous because I write on this blog for my own reading, you can call me silly or crazy but my intention is to use this activities as my journal or a tool of self expression. I really have not idea why I am felt emptiness and loneliness all the times. Worse stilt I had a good honey and stay with family as well and this scene shouldn't occur but my heart still feel empty.

Perhaps, I am psycho and this feeling always make me feel wanted to suicide and think of other stupid things. I hate to go home early and I even can't sleep well almost everyday and paracetamol is the only option to keep me a sleep. When you said that I am a geek and always prison myself in the room or home, then you are totally wrong because I love to hang out and it's even better I can stay out of my home for forever.

This sense of emptiness maybe is my psychology problem due to the path I had chosen (love guys), disastrous in my career and not to mention my family confrontation about my sexual orientation. That's why I felt so hard for myself and there is also one book from Paulo Coelho "Veronika Decides to Die" is expressing partially how I feel nowadays. But I will be strong and wouldn't dare to do the nuisance stuff yet because there is too many doubt in my life that I am yet to explore.

Chaotic New Year

Recently I been very damn moody due to babe are not accompany me during New Year celebration. Pity me have to gone through this new year all alone. When you ask me whether I am sad or not, it will be the worse hoax if I am telling you I am okay with it. You have no idea how sad I am when I think about it my tear is almost burst.

Lucky, I have a good didi (gay brother) always console me and advised me to take it easy because that is my babe family and he is not flirt around with other friends or mates to dump me aside. In fact, I really understand the situation but my heart really in fraction emotion because I really dunno what to do during that occasion. I hate being alone and I hate my home as well.

Frankly speaking I don't have much friend and not to mention previously a straight nerd like me is impossible wanted to get gay friends. Worst stilt even now I am queer guy but I still don't have any of them except my didi because I am too fugly moreover gay life is cruel. Lucky me are attach with my babe who is quite charming and handsome but really dunno why he love me.. many doubt is it. He can easily get someone who is hot and handsome guys....sigh.

If you really ask me I really can't answer that question but being a fugly gay like me is feeling very insecure because I might get dump anywhere and anytime. For time being, what I can do is try to change my look and kick out lard and get slimmer is my only option. But recently I loss 2 inch, where previously is 38 inches.. I know I am fat and deserve to be tease but folks please wish me luck because I will try my best to fit in this circle and I know gay life is realistic and cruel. May due to this reason recently I very determine to put on weight.

Sorry for being out of the topic, I am still very sad and always throw my tantrum toward my babe because he promise me first rather his family. But there is nothing I can do beside accept the fact and anger is begin to swap off and my heart of course are in deep sorrow and sad. Now what I can do is pretend that I am okay and feeling is getting better even though we had a good date on the New Year last time. I really miss him, carving for his kisses and cuddle as well... Baby I really miss you and love you.

Fucking Straight Guys

Sorry, if I had offended some of you straight guys but for this topic, I am just referring to my fucking straight guy friend. Today I really In a fucking good mood because after the karaoke and gym session at The Curve, we decided to lift a called to my friend to have a steamboat dinner at Kepong and they had agreed and what I need to do is fetching them.

After, the steamboat dinner I really in a good mood and my stomach are almost bloat like a balloon and finally I puke and feeling better and we decided to clubbing. Since today, the prince feast is held at oblique so we decided to hang out there for my straight friend to have a eyes breaking session of how gays are clubbing and partying, where they had agree.

The horror are starting to arose, when my straight friend are started to complaining there is no crowd and chick at oblique. Later my straight friend are started to nag and complaining there pussy and the music is not fully R&B because most of the songs had been remix and I totally disagree with him because the songs is nice and the beat is damn good but the crowd is wasn't there only. But frankly speaking, where the heck are you gone to get a chick in a gay club....really what the fuck and pissed me off to the limit.

But there is one thing for sure the crowd is very low at oblique and I swear I will not entertain oblique and La queen which both of the clubs is suck and really a loser. After my straight friend are urging us to go to other club, so we are leaving and decided to hang out at Poppy garden for the night. We need to spend extra penny for the next session because there are only tables for the customer to open bottles of liquor.

But I swear to the god this is also another lousy club because the music is really outdated and old, my friend keep forcing me to peek at the boobs and pussy...really a disastrous. The dance floor is fucking small and there space are really not convenient to dance where most of the people are just wanted to drink liquor and flirting. We even had a fight with my fucking straight friend which had drunk and almost started to fight. Anyway I will never invite my straight friend to clubbing again because we are definitely from other world.

Christmas Greeting!

Me Anthony would like to take this oppurtunity to greet you guys Merry Christmas and May god bless you. For those who still feeling blue and emotion please stand up because it's christmas and everyone should be happy. To recall back this year christmas is very fruitful because I am accompany by my lovely honey...yummy.

The only thing that I am regret is there is quote somethings we didn't..xxx..LoL. But never mind, I love my babe not because of sex but in a description of LOVE. It been quite sometimes I never been this happy already since the varsity my life with the only guy I love, which is my current babe. The reason this heat are not arose since my varsity life is because both of us busy in our stuff and not forgetting the stress as well.

Moreover I will like to thank to my babe to bring me in this circle, I know I am hot temper but I do caring and love you. For the sake of our relationship I will change myself to become better and your ideal darling... but dunno when the days will arose...LoL. For you guys information another 35 days left is my third aniversary where we been together...Hurray.... need to squeeze my head to make this celebration happenning.

Anyway once again I would like to wish me and my babe have a Merry Christmas and not to forget the folks and humanity in the world as well. I love christmas and I love you Santa if you are a hot guy... I will reward you accordingly...LoL.

Terrorist

Please don't get me wrong because I not gone to talk about the terror in Gaza, Pakistan and Sri Lanka. Terrorist mean one that engages in acts or an act of terrorism, actually what I wanted to highlight here is my babe are leaving me alone in this New Year Celebration. Whether I like it or not, he insist to follow his family and leave me alone, albeit he already promise to accompany me during the days.

I'm very sad and disappointed with him, the act that he treated me is just similar to the terrorist act, which giving me an inspiration to blog about today subject. In my heart, heart he is a stupid lover but when you think deeper he is a very good son indeed because during that occasion he will spend his time in Genting with his family. But, franky speaking he is a very good son, which is also my worse nightmare I have to encounter.

You guys must be wondering since he is a good person, why I bother too much? To cut the story short the answer is I think he love his family more than me, which make me feel jealous and sad. For me his family a just a terrorist as well because they are the one who always make my babe leave me alone and even my birthday I also have to bear this kind of emptiness and disappointment feeling.

Hopefully, this New year around I managed to keep myself busy, which I thought will be happier. Perhaps, busy can gives you a way or a loop holes to ignore the parts of my life that falling appart. I really wanted him by my side for the day but if I do I really asking for trouble. Anyway I am still missing you and love you so much and Happy New Year Babe.

Prince Fest @ Orange Club Rock

This year around I'm pretty excited with Christmas and for many many years my Christmas celebration is quite plain and boring. I decided to join the Prince Fest party at Orange Club for a blasting Christmas celebration with my boy.

Recently I'm so in love with clubbing and parties, which I find this turf is pretty exciting and fun. Okay, to cut the crap short the Prince fest is rock and really give me a good blast. The music and crowd indeed good and this is the second times I went to a gay event and it's really fun and I really had a good time.

That night I am really intoxicated after had a few beers, whisky and tequila as well. Being intoxicating of me, I been really busy dancing in the dance floor with my babe. Being a gay this is a pretty good spot for me to show my affection to my babe in the public, which all of the times we are not allow to doing it due to the public pressure. We really enjoy our self and have a good dance together.

I Love You Babe, Please Don't Stop Loving Me.

Privatization For IJN

First and foremost, please allow me to explain what is "Privatization". According to the wikipedia Privatization is the incidence or process of transferring ownership of business from the public sector (government) to the private sector (business). In a broader sense, privatization refers to transfer of any government function to the private sector including governmental functions like revenue collection and law enforcement.

Recently, there are so many Hoo Haa buzzing about the IJN privatization, where one of the leading company in Malaysia (Sime Darby) are interested to acquire this institution. Frankly speaking I am not so flavor with this privatization thing because IJN from government suppose to take care of the citizen and public welfare without bias toward status, racist, complexion and level of a person.

In my point of view, this is indeed a stupid act for government to privatise the IJN because this institution have maintain a good reputation in providing services and welfare as well with proven record. IJN is also is one of the government institution that we had to applause for how the government (BN) care for the citizen. IJN under government govern it will provide affordable medical care for the citizen because privatization only will make the institution materialise.

As a economic student, let me give you guys a clear picture what will happen to the IJN, where it had been privatised. Privatization of IJN will trigger monopoly, in fact this is very true because in Malaysia, there is no much competition in Malaysia heart surgeon except if you willing to pay a huge amount of money to undergo the surgery in oversea countries.

Monopoly is not necessarily and it's a bad thing but better privatization method could have been employed to encourage competition in the market but the problem is there is no competitors. For instant, electricity by TNB will like to increase their tariff until 100%, whether we like it or not we still need to absorb the tariff, where this is what monopoly all about. Nevertheless, the creation of monopoly through privatization could be defended by resorting to the natural monopoly argument. But we really can sense or feel there is a hidden agenda towards this privatization things...please pray for god to scrap this proposal.

Prince Fest 2008/ 2009

Lately I have been a fan of partying and clubbing, please don't ask me why? Anyway it's year end and holiday season as well, right. Recently I always find excuses for almost everything... opss really take everybody as granted. But to cut it's short, I'm getting excited and looking forward for the "Prince Fest 2008/ 2009" in Malaysia.

Don't know whether I can make it or not because I really need company, which is (my babe). Anyway we shall see what we can do during this occasion. Frankly speaking I have intuition that my plan maybe shattered, because my babe use to be a planner spoiler.

Christmas Prescription

Christmas is just around the corner and the greatest gifts that I hope to have for this Christmas is having the love from someone you care. Christmas is a very hard time of the year for singles but there is also not exclusive for a guy who already available like me. ..Hehe just joking

If you have someone to caring, basically contrast more to soul mate, please make sure you thank god for having this holiday season to cuddle and spend with. I presume there is no gift better than snuggle up or spend quality times with your love one.Moreover there is no greater gift than having someone that genuinely loves you and cares about your wants and needs.

Frankly speaking, especially in Plu life there are not many peoples that will spend their whole damn life looking for that kind of relationship, which is genuine and so called "true love". The reason is most of the guys just want to hook up to one and another just to satisfied their need and most of them take their partner for granted. I am glad because this scenario a yet to trigger in my life..phew and feel relieve.

Despite, I strongly agree that not most of them people you expected to be around you are around you, which is very true. But to cut it short there is nothing better than someone that loves you because you are who you are. You can consider love is a blindfold games because it's doesn't mean that if your are handsome and lean, you must get someone in your categories.

Moreover, a love that is ain't something you can pray, demand, expect or even buy to get it. Love constantly comes straight from the bottom of heart, which have no bias towards complexion, gender, racist and etc. If the love that is pure and unconditional and it's come straight from the heart, that means that person will love you through the good and bad times even you are fugly as well... just like me.

To me my type of love is delicate and irreplaceable and can make me feel like I on the top of the world and only him can give me happiness to warmth me up from my depression. Frankly speaking we are just no match but I'm indeed glad he had chosen me as his partner and you all have no ideal how deep my love toward him.

Anyway folks, for this holiday season, please, please and please make sure to take a few moments of prayer to thank God for sending someone special in your life like I do. And have a wonderful Christmas! and holiday.... Love You Babe

Overhaul

Recently, my machine is almost overhaul because has been too frequently visited the gym class. Yes, you can claim me as a "kiatsu person"or calculative brat and I really admit that because I am a economic students, which I usually good in analytical and figures as well.

In order to fully utilize my membership, sometimes I went to my gym class for 7 days in a week or at least 5 times a week, sound pretty "kiatsu" is it. What to do being force to do so because I am too fat and need to kick out the stubborn lard in my body. Like my babe always said " Yau Joe Ji, Yau Ho Bit Tong Choh" but it do sound pretty true.

Being a newbies of Pink community, I am indeed milestone away to catch up because physically I am pretty big size and mentally still very straight...sigh. I bet you if you seeing me you will never thought I am a queer guy because I have a very straight guy look..okay. But my babe keep telling me that I am born to be a queer guy and he can sense it from the day one.

To cut the story short, lately my health condition are very bad and my asthma are keep arose and arose. Supposing after a workout should develop my stamina but the situation is getting worse. Finally seek doctor for advise but the doctor are more craze than me but pursuing me to get marry or a girlfriend... For XXX perhaps.

Finally, due to my health condition I am trying to minimize my gym classes and exercise. But it is quit pity because fully utilize the facilities and also planning to freeze my membership next month. I really need to have rest because my muscles are in pain and my breath are low and not flowing well. Perhaps, my engine really need maintenance and relax as well, but still in amidst of reducing stress and smoking activities.

MarketPlace

Last Saturday, my babe planning to bring me along to have a eye breaking session in MarketPlace at Jalan Yap Kwan Seng. At first we when to the gym to kick off some lard before we hit the dance floor and had dinner as well in SS2 hawker stalls. After we having dinner we head straight to market place and I really felt excited that night. We reach there around 10 somethings but the night is still young, so we decided to kill times at the restaurant beside the market place.

I had order a avocado juice and babe order apple juice to wait for the crowd before we proceed market place. The drinks in this restaurant is expensive and horrify because very sweet and felt awful. My advised is this is the first and the last time I will had a drink at this place. Later we saw many guys are filled up the crowd and finally we gave in and I need to change my pants in my car because I am wearing short pant and my babe wanted to change his clothe because he is wearing top tank.

At first, before the crowd around 11 somethings, we heading straight to the top of the restaurant, which is a lounge and order 1 bucket of beers before we redeem our complimentary drinks for the cover charges. Later we move to the dance floor because feel the lounge is very plain and began to hits the dance floor as the beer and liquor started to make me feel intoxicating. Tell you guys if I had a good trains muscles and in good shape surely I will get half naked.

That night I really enjoy myself and dance and sweat hell like pig but do really enjoy the hitz and the beat from the Dj's. Market Place really a good place to brain wash my mindset after a bad encounter at La queen last week, which means not all the Plu hang out place are bad after all. I am sure will going back to market place and next week there are more party and clubbing due to the "Prince Feast" at Obligue, Orange club and Maison as well... gosh I love Christmas and New Year so many party can join.

Emotion

Lately, I had been very hot temper because the stress had overcome my ration and my emotion had been fluctuate. I really wanted to control my feeling and emotion but my wrath and anger are just overload and I really really can't control it.

Furthermore, myself instinct are almost drying and worst still I'm having insomnia for quite sometimes and this make the stories even gray and worse. I felt like no one are understand my feeling and this battle is just me around and myself struggle and struggling, which is very hard to describe my feeling and emotion.

Many people saying that I'm very unpredictable but I really cannot deny the statement because most of the times I also don't understand and predict myself due to the upward and downward emotional feeling. My situation are just very hard to describe or maybe this the end of my life because I cannot bear the impact or I will become loser forever...I really don't know.

People around me calling me crazy or insane but who cares because they don't understand my feeling and emotion. I really don't need anybody to understand my feeling and also bear in mind don't treat me as a beggar because I don't need someone to pity me or sympatize me as well.

Anyway it's still a milestone from me to recover because I am not use to be a loser, but I will be growing to become stronger and better than ever. This is the impact, which enough for me to memorize for lifetime. For those who demoralize and demotivate me, you shall see what I can do and please follow with me closely to see how I overcome my failure and become tougher more than ever.

Top or Bottom

Hey, please don't be dirty minded, I'm not exposing my role in my blog. The topic entitled "Top or Bottom" really a hot topic for the gay community but today I'm not going to discuss about this matter. Lately I been very sensible with my jobs either to be top or be the bottom one in my company.

Finally I had make up my mind with a revenge, instant being force to be loser it is better to counterstrike.. sound like a war games. I am really damn pissed off with this company especially my turf boss, who is very sinister because he is really good in disguised and pretend decent and just like a swag dog.

He con me and telling me a lot of lied to fish me joining this department and worst still I gave in. My losses from my stupid act by resigning from my previous jobs really tear me off... enough to make me cry and emotional for whole day.

From the previous lessons I started to think either to be a top person or a bottom loser. Yes, you can said that I'm a bottom loser now but I started to plan my strategy and agenda to become back a top person just like old days. When I recalled back from my previous jobs, myself confidence, career development and urging to success spirit are almost unbeatable.

Now I think it's a times for me to move further because I really hopeless thinking of the career growth and development in this company, which is so called a multinational company. There is no doubt the company have the mindset of our PM " slow and steady". Come one toward this so damn competitive world and fast moving socioeconomic and politic, which is faster than the speed of the light, you think we can survive.

Starting from now I have to be damn aggressive to fight for my future, I sure will fight to the end for the sake of myself. You are lucky due to the economy crisis, there are nothing much I can do but I can assure you there is more drama you will seen later on. Well, well, well you think you are good ain't you we shall see who will fall back first and somehow or rather my grudge are starting to burnout.

Sick

Recently, I have been very sick hit by asthma, bad flu, running nose, headache and sore throat felt very uncomfortable. I decided to go for the doctor and inhaler some gases to relieve my asthmatic and given a day medical leave for a rest. After taken medicine I felt drowsy and almost sleeping in the bed for whole day.

I even thought that I can go to gym with my babe after a long sleep and rest later on. But I can assure you guys that point of times I had gone crazy or out of my mind. The medicine make me weak and I had no ideas whether that is a asthmatic medicine or sleeping pill, really darn tired. Later had to drive my babe to IBM plaza and I been waited him for more than hour and that period of times really really long. Later we heading for The Curve for dinner to get away from my company Fussy and straight freak from helping us spread humour.. very hard to life inside the closet.

The next day, I went to work, felt better, but still could feel the medicine effect and yet fully recover. Today I needed to fetch one of my colleague because she had no one to fetch her and almost forgotten about it because too sick. I had my cup of morning coffee, and thanks to the medicine effect, I felt drowsy and headache. The good thing is I was fully awake since then, and of course, more bad thing happen such as all my shirt and pants are filled with sweat because I sweat like a pig. Although I had my bath in the morning, but I smelt like a walking rubbish car all day, which the good thing freak me out the whole day.

Turf Manager

Email Attachment Form My Manager Many Month Ago

Dear Anthony,

Real world is come.
We have limited time before the 28th meeting in OYLM.
Shall we discuss at 11am for planning.

Best regards,
Ho


Dear Anthony,

Your real world is coming.
My requested items to Bashir are quite similar as what Mr.Sum requested to MIA&chief.
Please wait for Bashir& reply and follow up closely.
You can use MCTE to view MIA& FG sales data in order to get to know their models & sales volume beforehand.

Thanks.

Best regards,
Ho

These are the email that my turf manager send to my, which had driven me work harder and strike harder. The email content is a bit overrated but I definitely felt relieve and like it after many month's in boredom and blue moon at the company.

Email Attachment Form My Manager Lately

Dear Anthony,

Please provide SKD to Rohita (Use the same proposal & same method as for MIA), we don't focus on CKD at this time, we are not ready. No CKD for J-series, choose the G cooling models for Rohita.Use the FG 2009 price to quote to Rohita, please get from FG CSE different regions have different margin factors.

Best regards,

Ho

What the fuck are you doing, due to these few email I assumed you hire me to take care of the CKD/ SKD business for fun. No wonder you always take it for granted when ever I proposed somethings for my tasks you seem like winding and never concern about it because you just afraid that I will screw you up. Go to hell you pig and jerk, no place are suitable for you except hell. Stop teasing and prank someone, if you don't have the intention to do so. Just wasted my times and the organization resources and money... really a turf.

La Queen Sucks

Last Saturday my babe finally give me blessing, which allow me to bring him to the La Queen. At first I am feeling pretty excited because this is the very first time we when to gay club for clubbing. We got to the area around 10 somethings and we went for a walk at KLCC before we continue our journey. Poor babe, he's on running nose due to sinus and I convince him to continue at other times but he insist to go.

I know he just don't wanted to disappoint me and after having a little walk at KLCC, then we heading to the nearest mamak stall for drinks and food. Around 11 p.m we heading at La Queen, the is no crowd yet perhaps later. The music and the beat is not bad but the club smell awful and I almost puke due to the smell. This places also very dusty and my babe sinus is getting serious... BAbe.

We thought this places will full with crowd later on because it's quite early for a gay club to start at 12 somethings but we wait and wait until 1 somethings and finally give up. This club totally sucks and full with malays, we don't even enjoy ourself and finally left this club with full disappointment. Then we having lok lok (mobile steamboat stall) for few fish and meat balls and then we also encounter rain cats and dogs and get wet as well.... what a sad encounter for the newbies.. sigh

Long Holiday

I am having holiday from last Saturday till today, which is Thursday. These few days felt so alive and rejuvenate as well because can spend quality times together with my babe. Furthermore, staying away from the work loads for almost a week is really sound good and relaxing. We even spend one day to enhance passion moment between us but later things seem screw up but don't ask me why because I definitely won't dispute any information regarding the incident had happen.

Anyway tomorrow need to continue works for the another single days before we proceed to the weekend.. haha. But normally Friday times is really easy to kill times as our lunch times is approximate 2 hours...phew. But recently quit lazy because quite often skipping the gym already due to my healthy problem and also due to some paranoid incident from my lover. I foresee I'm gonna be sick soon or later because I can felt it's coming... based on my instinct. That all for today I think because I am quite blue to add something in the blog.

Am I Sucks

I'm a 24 years old guy and hate myself and get depression always. I had tried to be optimist and improve but it just isn't working. Everyone try to please me and wanted me to be happy but in the other hand I been thinking I am too pathetic. Even though I had a good boyfriend but I'm always suspicious and patronized him.

Sometimes I'm nervous, full of hatred, lonely and also wanted to tear myself apart. Loads of argument have been going between us, and my boyfriend is really pissed off already. Now I feel so ashamed and pity on him because always cause him a lot of trouble. I know he understand my situation and use to tolerate with me but I guess he is started sickening with my shit already. I guess this isn't a question, but it's the matter of how do I change and stop my depression.

Recently I started to realize I am complete stranger to myself, even though I am living quite well with each other. I am not evil and never try to harm someone if not being force to do so. I am very self conscious and very active but recently not so conversationalist due to very few friends I had. Why I had few friends because sometimes I had a kind of stereotype by thinking "they don't know me?" or "they all have hidden agenda to friend with me" or "they just hate me".

Imagine how stupid of me to have that kind of thought, but believe me I'm keeping others at a distance out of fear, and they eventually respond to this and leave me alone. And this then confirms my point of view, that no one could possibly like me. But to be frankly speaking I am a bunch of person who are genuine and honesty enough to give you harsh comments because I am trying to be sincere and trust-worthy.

The trouble is that my babe finally had melt my hearts and we even started to date me and had relationship. Anyway really appreciate my babe supports and advise albeit I'm as stubborn as asses but he is still trying to fulfill my nonsense enquiries and request. My destructive beliefs are about to damage me, or even kill me. Anyway I will fight back and won't let this negative thought to conquer my mindset and babe you are my only hope and strength from now.

Bad Encounter In Jogoya

With the conjunction of my babe birthday celebration, we had organized a meals at Jogoya. The meals are organized by Vicky and the celebration is not a surprise anymore because my babe had been alerted and well informed. The reason is the stupid pig (Vicky) is exposing everything to my dear and ended up no surprise as well.

Franky speaking this is the first time I step on Jogoya restaurant in Starhill. Most of the people are buzzing about this restaurant and this restaurant really not amaze me at all. The environment not really impress me and the food not good but the beverages and ice cream is the only thing I keen. I really cannot understand why people simply throw out compliment to this restaurant and I think Shogun 1U is better.

We wined and dined in the Jogoya because it's included free flow and our stomach is bloated because we are a Kiasu person. We bitchy and chatted to kill times and everything runs smoothly and I even puke because too full and almost clear everything in my bowel. After puke I wanted to continue with the wined because love the effect for being intoxicated but my babe stop me.

Later we decided to watch movie at GSC Pavillion and we pick Wild Child rather than Bolt. The movie is quite interesting and it about a rebel child doing a lot of nasty things to get her father attention, which later send her to a dormitory school at England (She origin from LA). Being far away she soon or later understand the meaning of her life and also in crush with a handsome guys....for the rest of the story we just live it to cinema to do the jobs.

Lastly before we heading home, I managed to pick two private structure undies from Tang's since they have an offer sales. The undies is very fancy and I like it very much...cannot wait to show it to my babe...That all for now and by the way Love you Babe.

Happy Birthday Louis !!!!

Today is my beloved baby birthday, he is 25 years old now. Toward this momentous moment, he had kind of better celebration compare to the last few years because most of us already worked and to cut it short we are better in term of budget and financial this year around. Anyway the rest I leave it to him to blog about it and there is nothing to buzz about it and just want to said... HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE AND I LOVE YOU.

Revolution

Recently, I had too many negative comments toward my personal life. First, I wanted to say sorry to my babe and as well for myself because I am too emotional. I don't know what had happen to me and my situation is getting worse. To start with, my condition such as insomnia is getting serious, almost burnout due to over stress, neck and shoulder in serious pain, very emotional and depress. Perhaps, I am too sick of my life and a new revolution should evolve my long lost determination, faith and confidence.

There is no doubt my illness is occur due to my career because I am a newbies in the working environment perhaps I am yet to adapt with the new environment. For the first years I been working in the sales and marketing sector, where there is no need to mentioned the work load and the times I need to sacrifice is indeed intensive. Later I quited and started as a ordinary executive in a manufacturing industry which make the matter even worse.

When I recall from my previous job...yes it's indeed challenging and tough but satisfaction that I can gains from the jobs is really hard too explain and I really felt good about it. Compare to my present jobs which you have to sit in table for the paper work really make my life dull and lame. Worst still you have nothing to do and sitting there for the whole days and online to kill times really demotivate and demoralize myself.

My babe salary is higher than me now and I am feeling very guilty to myself and really cannot give him a better life as I had promised. The only solution to fix the problem is getting a new jobs and rebuilt my self-confidence and offset the passive mindset. The key factors to my depression is my fucker manager, who had conned me to enter this company with a fruitful benefits such as opportunity to grow, when to overseas to develop my business and etc..... I hate you shitty manager and worse still I can't get any increment after my probation period as my colleague manage to get it and reduction in my salary during interview.

Lastly, I am vow to get the new job in the beginning of 2009 and leave the fucker (My manager) doing all the jobs by himself and if I believing in karma then this turf must straight away to the hell. Well I am really to kick my fat ass from this stupid company and quite happy with it because I finally make up my mind. In the other hand I need to get a suitable and potential job for myself first due to this global economy crisis... Folks please with me luck.

shed Tear

These few days, we had a good debate or argument between me and my babe. Whatever I do seem like not right (Buat Apa Pun Tak Kena) and he is just keep nagging and scold me like hell. The worst he said I always kick out conflict and by right he is release the stress towards me... really a fucking freak. Some more wanted me to apology and if you insist his attack is more aggressive and painful.

It's not I can't quarrel with him but I think it's unnecessary, when you remain silent worst still he is try to speculate you mad at him and not loving him anymore or even asked you whether you are a dumb head or mute ah... He is really a psycho and I would said he is a fucker dumb bitch... really geram (Mad).

Nothing I can do just bear with his irrational words and thoughts from him but finally I give up and my tears flow like stream. I had try my best to stand the tears from coming out but finally the tears just burst out and nothing much I can do beside crying and remain silent and being emotion. The atmosphere is very tight because I was crying and later he even tease me by saying I am pretending crying to get his attention... sound weird is it and he is getting sinister lately.

Bored To Death

This times around I been so glutton to have time with my babe. Perhaps I am having lovesick symptom, where I wanted him to be my side all the times. He also quit pissed off with me because I am too sticky like the glutinous rice until he is started to yell at me. OMG I am a nerd or geek who just stay at my own world with low networking and friends.

Some how or rather I had to let him off for a few days to get some times with his family and friends as well. Sometimes I been wondering it is really possible for us to stay together but anyway for the times being I give it a benefit of doubt. Yet I am still so missing him like hell and sometimes I even shed tear of missing him. May be there is a love bug in my mind or I being curse to love him forever.

To cut the stories short, today is an off day for my babe and for myself I am living in a boredom. Today I just sleep and sleep and sleep till drop, how impress ya. I think I need to get more friends and get back with my secondary friends which most of them are loser and not even a college grads but there is no doubt they really can help me kill times.

Concern And Worried

This times around my babe had alerted me regarding my overspending symptom. Hence, I am yet to improve in this section. As a PLU it is norm for being overspending, being shopaholic as well with spending too much on an expensive meals.

To cut the story short, he realize my credit cards bills are accumulate in quite a tremendous amount. He is even volunteer to give a sum of money to clear off my credit cards debts but anyway I had rejected and I am pretty sure I can settle the debts myself.

As a result, I know my babe are very concern about me and please tell me where you can find a good soulmate like he does. Anyway thank you babe for caring me so much and I am so sorry to make so worried and really love you. Lastly, babe thank you for sponsorship my new year clothes for the upcoming month and please prepared cash and cards for my expenses okay...muahahaha just joking la.

Quality Hang Out

Nothing Much today, just as usual go to gym with babe to kick the sturborn lard out. Today I am not feeling pretty well and damn tired. After more than an hour workout, I finally give up and my babe turn to me as well and told me that he also had enough. But we are not stopping there and when to the lifting session for around half an hour and finally when to sauna and shower before end the session.

We had a little argument regarding the meals we wanted to take because I am not a good decision maker. We end up having sushi for dinner at Sakae, since we don't want to spend too much money on the dinner we just order the food accordingly. We had a good chit chat and sharing the memorable moment together as well. This is what I called lovely moment and felt very secure being around him... sound pretty girlie huh.

Then he bring me to Ikano to have a peek on the Christmas decor after we read pluboy blog. I totally agree with him the decor really unique and the dummy snowy is fantastic. I really felt happy with the decor but the most important thing is manage to stay with my babe and really wanted to hug him but we are not yet ready to show affection in the public... still in admist of improving. I am very very love you babe and please do love me more.

Hard To Please

Relationship is really complicated that is a turf in my fucking life.

If you treat him good, he says you had hidden agenda,
If you don't, he said you are not a good lover,
If I dress nicely, he says you are trying to flirt around,
If you don't, he said you look like horrible,
If you argue with him, he says you are a sturborn and not loving him,
If you keep quite are even worse, he says you are deaf or mute,
If you are smarter than him, he'll lose face,
If he's smarter than you, that is great and fact,
If he need you, he'll tries to possess you,
If he don't need you, he will try to run away from you,
If you don't touch him or make love with him, he said you don't love him ,
If do! he says you are a jerk and pervert,
If I tell him my trouble, he says I am troublesome and in deep trouble,
If you don't he says I don't love him and trust him,
If you advised him or even scold him you are a jackass and nanny,
If he scold you, it is because he cares and love you,
If you break your promise, you cannot be trusted and inhuman,
If he break my promise, he is forced to do it,
If you had done a mistake , he says you are damn stupid and careless,
If he got one, he says it is the fate,
If you smoke, you are evil and waste money,
If he smoke, he says is to release stress and he is gentleman,
If you do well , he says luck on your side,
If he do well, it's because he is smart and clever,
If you hurt him, you are cruel,
If he hurt you, he says you are too sensitive and so hard to please.

If you look at it, this incident really happen to everyone... all the best and good luck.

Twilight

Twilight from the title itself already sound freaky and fantasy, I am a kind of person who love fantasy and this movie indeed is my cup of tea. Love the story plot pretty much and there are few moment which is quite mislead and full with doubt. I had no doubt this movie can be categories as fairy tales movie with charming prince (the vampire) and the heroin is quite plain in my point of view.

Twilight' is an action-packed and romantic love story between a girl and a vampire The story started when Bella (Kristen Stewart) mother re-marries and sends Bella to live with her father in the rainy little town of Forks, Washington, she doesn't expect much of anything to change. Then she meets the mysterious and dazzlingly beautiful Edward Cullen ( Robert Pattinson), a boy unlike any she's ever met. Edward is a vampire, but he doesn't have fangs and his family is unique in that they choose not to drink human blood, which they are consider as vegetarian in their kind.

Later Edward and Bella's are in love and swept up in a passionate, thrilling and romance. To Edward, Bella is what he has waited 90 years for a soul mate. But the closer they get, the more Edward must struggle to resist the primal pull of her scent, which could send him into an uncontrollable frenzy. But what will Edward and Bella do when a clan of new vampires come to town and threaten to disrupt their way of life by killing peoples and wanted to kill the one he love as well.

Furthermore, this movie is quite nice in term logical, which is modern and no Gothic element involve like usual movies will do. The scenery is splendid and the environment is really good and just like the fairy tales. I really in love with Robert Pattinson, he is damn cool and charming really can't get my eyes of him. This Movie really enhance me to cherish every moment with my babe as well as our love story because both of the actors knew that they eventually cannot be together but they still follow their instinct and feeling to in love and finally getting together. Watching this movie together with my babe as we holding hand in the cinema really make me felt good and for those wanted to have more fruitful life in their love story then don't choose the path of gayness.. I personally say this movie is good. Below is my beloved Robert Pattinson Pic, and do enjoy.

Edward Sibling's with Her Lover As Well

Edward Is Backpack Bella and How Sweet They Snuggle up Together

The Cullen's family

Stylish

Pretty Cool... Huh

Casual Look.. Jeez

Passion Sight.. Really Tak Tahan

Deep Depth Feeling

Recently I started to feel very tired with our relationship.

The feeling started to fade just like the autumn.

Everything seems like started to fall and dying.

Why I always have to wait your calls, SMS and responses.
Is it so difficult to stay along with me?

To start our relationship is dy not easy could you care a bit more.

What have you done during I am blackout?

Is it giving me money means that you are the saviour?

Could you give me back my dignity and pride?

I felt so little in the eyes of your sight.

Perhaps I am not suitable for you because I am not good at all.

Everything I do whether good or suck is always ended up quarreling.

What wrong and what I had done till you hate me so much?

Is it so wasted your time to accompany me by my side?

Am I so ugly and pathetic till you felt so shame to go out with me?

What I need to do to get our relationship back on track?

I felt wanted to tear off your face, to express how sad I am.

How cruel you are to do those things to me?

Is it I am so damn evil till you treat me like that?

If really so why don't you just tell me the truth?

Even my friend is treating me better than you are.

Is there any misunderstanding or I had offended you.

But all the while I am try to be loyal and sincere to you.

All I need is your love and caring that all.

You are very selfish and only cares your family and yourself

Every day I felt so empty and hang out all by myself like a mad man.

Why you seem like don't understand and don't bother.

Everyday I just looking at your picture not a days and nights.

I never feel boring to enjoy the snapshot we took together.

This act is really making myself felt more hollow and painful.

Perhaps I am not deserve to be love or to get a lover.

Anyway I will confess of the sins and the karma that I had caused.

What for sure is i gone to miss you and keeping missing you.

The emptiness started to kick off a lot narrow thinking from me.

blah blah

Recently my babe is just know how to complaint and always gossip around. Everything you do and other people do sure "tak kena" one. In our relationship, there must be one person as an aggressive or strong parties but on the other hand are not as strong as the previous one. I bet you with my head my babe are the leader in our relationship. My babe are very fussy and always make all the decision by himself and he very damn ego and always show how good and clever he is. Perhaps inside him, he is really born to be a queen and try to lead me in any decision, which make me can't breath.

Maybe I am too in love with him and worst still afraid to losing him, that why I am over pamper and tolerance with him. I am a very aggressive person and my leadership can be consider good but I am admit that in relationship I totally fail and suck. I am very unhappy lately and always shed tears and sometimes I even think he is a mixture of demon and angel. I just blaming myself for nurturing sinister and sarcastic attitude to him, where he has now turn it's on me... well perhaps this is just karma.

He just love to blah blah blah and gossip all he wanted without and of course he needed my empathy as well. Once in a blue moon gossip, nagging and complaint can be good but come to everyday... I bet with your head you won't be happy about it. I am not trying to complaint but this problem had occur quite sometimes and I think this is the times to change and be more upbeat because you are eager to please. I know you had stressed but put yourself into my shoes for example when I have complaint and burnout you are yet to concern.

I also an ordinary man where I also have my very own problem. Yes, I love gossips but I do complaint but you just kindly ignore my complaint by nailed me with your irresponsible words from your mouth to defence yourself. On the other hand I had to "sayang" you and caring you that is not fair, when I talking about something sensitive (Sex) you are not happy but when you talk about it is okay... That is really unfair. Once again you lock my very feeling into the chamber of my heart. Anyway hope you can change to be a better man and stop promising your vow to me and please don't compare myself to other but I can assure you I had change... Love you always Anthony.